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spring sounds

by kai bravewood

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1.
new years 02:08
I love you but I'll just hold you down but if you stay with me I promise to work on myself but I need you right now I don't deserve it, I'm an addict and I'm worried about my health so get mad at me tell me that I'm not a perfect human being tell me that I look terrible so tell me I'm a junky it's quite disturbing to think what my friends see I love you but I'll just let you down but if you stay with me I'll promise to try and love myself but I need you right now come back home and tuck me in and let me fall asleep again
2.
maybe numbing aint' the right thing i am thinking as im puking out the window of the back seat 5 to 6 cups of coffee isnt healthy but its all i got but alone at 3am all the cars and people go to bed been ignoring all my friends maybe human is not my skin im conscious of unconsciousness those poor people inside their beds are waking up soon to be dead all fucking day again but what is that supposed to mean? everything is spinning i cant see im sick of head aches
3.
4.
as much as you'd love me to forgive I'm bitter for selfishness accusing me of same distractions and blaming me for making us past tense your confidence of making out with my friends to answer questions; yes this is how I wanna end it I find myself under sun beams and beach rocks I am ghosting I fucking love black pants, shoes and socks and making love with her after taking them off grass stains and rough hands fall in love with your best friends caribou and cigarettes Sunday nights and bathroom haircuts oh no, I'm wasted again I am in the part, drunk I am screaming out loud "all my insecurities" so thanks for the phone call you really reassured me you'd think after this long I could tell when you were lying to me I'm not mad or even upset cause I'm bitter as my mom says "we are just but kids" attraction of complete opposites
5.
if I were to be diagnosed with a brain tumour with one week would I finally see? and would I completely reevaluate me? should have I lived differently? of course I should feel my chest, again like you did I want this this time tear me open say that you need this let me live under your skin
6.
7.
Chelsea says I only write sad songs but baby Greyson said he hasn't seen me this happy in so long Riley reminded me I'm not small I've changed lives he said "you've changed mine" and for an hour I stood at the train tracks thinking "what if I'd left?" so although I cut my skin open to feel like I control something I'm so scared to die
8.
I want you bad although I'm broken as your friend instead I may be broken but a beat's still in my chest we'll stay home, get drunk and watch movies instead as a young man I've found I have all of these questions but I'm without plans so let's talk until I fall asleep in your bed take off your sweatshirt and your black pants and crawl back under my skin we'll count stars and take pictures if the places inside of our heads I'm too young to be feeling this old tired of drinking alone I love our conversations on the phone about finding homes I want you bad though I'm as your friend insisted I wear your bites and bruises, nail marks on my neck cause we stay home get drunk and watch movies instead

credits

released May 7, 2015

all drums recorded by max wall

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kai bravewood Vancouver, British Columbia

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